Catch My Breath
by Kyepie05
Summary: Sodapop Curtis has always been the peacemaker. He's always been able to keep Ponyboy and Darry from fighting and he's always managed to put on a happy face and be there for them, never letting them know how much it hurts him. How does he do it?


**First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROB LOWE! :D**

**I really hope you guys like this! :D It was based off the song Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson. It always reminded me of Soda's easy going spirit. :) **

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Outsiders! S.E. Hinton does! I also do NOT own Catch My Breath.**

* * *

Mrs. Curtis was stunned when her middle son came home from school with tears streaking down his face. Sodapop was always a happy child, sweet and kind and never one to get discouraged easily. Yet here he was, her sweet, excitable seven year old, crying and going straight to her for a hug. Darry was standing just inside the door beside Pony with his arms crossed protectively, his jaw set and his eyes blazing with anger. Ponyboy was standing beside his oldest brother, watching Soda sadly.

It wasn't long before Soda told her what had happened. In a moment of frustration near the end of the day, his teacher had called him dumb because he wasn't retaining the information and he hadn't been able to sit still all day. Mrs. Curtis was outraged. It was the second grade for crying out loud! What information was so important that she had to mock a seven-year-old? She looked back at her husband, who had his eyebrows raised in surprise, his dark eyes dancing with irritation. Soda went on to tell them that the kids had all laughed at him and made fun of him until school let out and he and Steve had found Darry.

Soda then hugged his father, who held him tightly and whispered, "You're all right Pepsi-Cola… They're wrong." After a little bit, Soda was smiling again and playing with Ponyboy on the floor. But she knew her son well enough to know that he was hiding the hurt he had to still be feeling.

Dinner was almost ready when he retreated into the room he and Pony shared and shut the door. Mrs. Curtis nodded to her husband, who immediately took over cooking, and she made her way into the bedroom to find Soda lying on his bed, looking moodily at the ceiling, tears swimming in his big brown eyes. She sat down beside him wordlessly until he sat up and hugged her, crying again.

After a few minutes he took a deep breath and whispered, "I do try… I just don't get it. I really am dumb ain't I?" She almost winced at the words and immediately knew that that was one opinion that she would make sure he didn't keep.

"No, honey. You're not dumb." She brushed his messy hair back and planted a kiss on his forehead. "You just can't focus all that well. That does not mean you're dumb. You're very, very smart." Her little boy sniffed and wiped at his eyes, still looking miserable.

"Sweetie, you know what you need to do? You just need to take a deep breath," she said gently. Soda inhaled deeply and, like most kids when told to take a deep breath, continued to hold it. "Let it go," she told him with a small chuckle. "And let it all go, even the bad day." He exhaled and looked up at her with his big, hopeful eyes, waiting for more instructions. "When people like her do things that upset you, you need to just catch your breath. Remember that you, my wonderful son, are on the path for special things in life. So you just need to look the other way and let it go. Get them back by using that beautiful grin of yours and just being happy. This is your life, not theirs. You live it the way you want to. Don't let them hold you back. It's just a waste of time baby… Never forget that."

Soda nodded, flashed her the great, big beautiful smile that she knew would make girls go crazy someday, and wiped his eyes. "Thanks Mom," he said softly.

She smiled and kissed his forehead again. All she wanted was for her children to be happy and, more importantly, to know just how special they were.

* * *

Sixteen-year-old Sodapop Curtis looked down at the spaghetti he was making and crossed his arms. It tasted funny. And by funny he meant, of course, normal and boring. It needed something. But what? His dark eyes scanned the kitchen as he put his hand to his chin, running the list of possibilities through his head. He grinned as he made his choice. He grabbed the honey and squirted it into the pot. Cheerfully, he stirred the spaghetti sauce then slid a finger into his creation, pulled it out, and licked it. Nodding in approval, he finished making dinner. As he was setting the table he heard the one thing that without fail made him feel like crying out in frustration.

"It's time for dinner, what are you doing?"

"Reading."

"Well what about your homework?"

"I finished it."

"All of it?"

"Yes, Darry. Why can't I just have some time to relax? You let Soda!"

Soda winced as he was drawn into the fight he didn't even want to listen to.

"Soda doesn't have homework to do!"

"Guys," he said softly before either one could call on him to aid them. "Come on. Dinner's ready. Let's eat okay?" He knew what Ponyboy was thinking as they both turned to look at him. Pony was thinking about how Soda didn't get yelled at for dropping out but Pony was getting yelled at for not working 24/7. What he didn't know was that he and Darry had fought about it, granted it had been a small one. Soda just didn't like arguments. He didn't see the point. He knew that at any moment one of his brothers could be taken from him forever, just like Mom and Dad. He didn't want the last thing spoken between them to be harsh words when there was no need. They were family. So he had stayed calm and explained his reasoning to Darry. He didn't make good grades, he didn't like it, and they needed the extra money if they were going to stay together. Darry had been determined that Soda would regret it.

It had been two months and Soda still thought it was the best decision he had ever made. But he wasn't about to tell Darry that. He knew both of his brothers well enough to know how to avoid fighting with them.

The brothers sat down and Soda poked at his spaghetti with a fork. He took a deep breath then spread his signature grin across his face. "Anything outrageously funny happen today?" Get them laughing and the arguments would stop. They couldn't fight if he got them laughing right? Suddenly he ached for Two-Bit to be there making some ridiculous joke. Better yet, he ached for his father to be there. Dad could calm anyone down just by using that big old grin of his.

Pony shrugged. "Not really." Soda immediately turned to Darry, determined to not let them see his desperation. When Darry only shrugged, Soda knew what to do.

"Well, guys, come on. It won't eat itself," he prompted. He watched as his brothers started eating. Immediately they both stopped and looked at each other then they looked at him, giving him a beautiful, stunned, confused look that he wished he could take a picture of.

"What did you put in this?" Pony asked, half in exasperation and half in amusement.

Soda grinned again, looking between them. "Guess!" He took a large bite and nodded to himself. Not bad. Not bad at all. He'd have to make this again. Or maybe next time he could try syrup in it?

"It's sweet," Pony told him.

"How could you tell?!" Soda grinned at him playfully. Pony reached out and shoved him, making Soda laugh as he turned to Darry.

"Is it honey?" Darry asked after taking a second bite and chewing carefully.

"Congratulations to Mr. Darrel Curtis!" Soda cheered, taking another bite. The other two laughed.

"It's not so bad," Pony said, taking a rather large bite.

"It's actually good," Darry agreed.

Soda grinned. "See? You see what creativity does? It makes something good even better!"

"Sometimes," both of his brothers told him in unison, grins plastered on their faces.

Soda waved a hand nonchalantly. "Always!" The other two laughed and kept eating, leaving him with a smile on his face as cheerful chatter filled the house. He did it. Once again he had managed to diffuse a fight. Luckily this time it had been before they dragged him into it. He was rarely that lucky. But his brothers were getting along and laughing about his unique cooking touch. Nothing, not even dreading the next fight, could ruin his good mood. He simply wouldn't let it.

* * *

Soda trudged into the DX, playing with his cap, and went behind the counter immediately. He pulled off his hat and slid his hands over his face, letting out a groan. He looked through a gap between his fingers as Steve followed him in. "You all right, buddy?" Steve asked, pulling his cap on. Pony and Darry had argued that morning before everyone had separated for work and school. It'd been a stupid unnecessary argument, like they all were.

Soda shrugged and rolled his eyes. "I'm fine." Catching an edge to his voice, he told himself silently that he didn't want that. He wouldn't let them ruin his day and everyone else's. If he was miserable, he was afraid he'd affect everyone else as well. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, let it out, then grinned. "Am I the only one who thinks it's too quiet in here? Come on, Steve, turn on the radio or somethin'!"

Steve gave him a look that was both puzzled and amused then flicked on the radio and browsed for a station he liked. Finally settling on one, he got busy preparing to open. After a few minutes, he looked back at Soda. "How do you do it man?"

Soda cocked an eyebrow, much as Two-Bit usually did. "How do I do what?"

"Keep patience with them like that. With all that fighting." Steve shook his head. Soda was quiet for a minute. He'd ranted to Steve about their fighting before. It did drive him crazy. They just didn't seem to realize that they could lose each other in an instant without any warning at all. "You never snap at them. Never."

He shrugged. "Why add to the fight? Can you imagine all three of us going at it?" He grinned and shook his head. "That'd be a nightmare, don't you think?"

Steve sighed. "Sure. But then you turn around and you start grinning again. You just act like it never happened. And it's not like most people, where they pretend not to care and like they don't want to talk about it but they obviously do. I'm not saying you don't care, I know you do. But you just don't let it eat at you. It's like you flip a switch or something."

Soda thought about it for a moment. "You really wanna know?"

Steve gave him a look. "No, I want to guess at it for the rest of my life," he said sarcastically.

Soda grinned to himself for a moment, thinking back to one of his favorite memories, the one he always fell back on. "I just catch my breath."

Steve gave him a look that almost beat the look Darry had given him for making green pancakes. Almost. "Catch your breath?" he asked. "That's it? That works?"

Soda smiled to himself, almost able to hear his mother's sweet voice. "Yeah. That's it. It works for me."

Steve just stared at him for a few minutes. "You're serious? Really?"

Soda chuckled and shrugged. "It works," he repeated. He took a moment to think about his mother's sweet personality. She was incredible, she really was. He'd never met anyone nicer than her. Her faith in him had never faltered, not once. It didn't matter how many D's or F's he'd brought home. Every single time she would tell him, "Sodapop Patrick you know you can do better." He didn't. "I believe in you. You are not dumb." He was. "And I don't want to hear you tell me you are." She didn't. In fact he never saw anything upset her quite as much as her hearing him say that he was dumb. He knew she really didn't believe it and she didn't want him to either.

He smiled to himself and nodded. He may not have had the grades that his brothers did but he could smile and be happy and stop his brothers from fighting. It was who he was. And he knew he made her proud.

* * *

His heart was pounding so loud he could barely hear them.

But he couldn't stop hearing them at the same time.

He just couldn't make it stop.

Soda took a deep breath then let it go, hoping for relief. None came. He was used to it working. Only on few occasions did it not. It didn't when Mickey Mouse was taken away, or when Mom and Dad died, or when Pony ran away, or when Sandy left him, or when they'd lost Johnny and Dally. It didn't when he lost someone. Fear gripped him. Was he going to lose his brothers to all this fighting?

"You're not going to drop out," Darry lectured sternly.

Soda glared down at the letter in his hand, jaw set. _He couldn't take it anymore. _He poked at the dull dinner in front of him. He was so tired. His eyes widened as a realization hit him.

_I can't do this_. Maybe he was dumb but he had always been strong. He'd always been able to be there for others and help them feel better and put a smile on their faces. He'd always been able to be happy and cheerful and contagiously happy. He'd always been able to be a peacemaker and stop his brothers from fighting. It was what he was best at. But he just couldn't do it anymore. He didn't have the strength. He could feel the blood draining from his face.

"And anytime you don't like the way I'm running things you can just get out," Darry finished.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" raved Pony.

_I can't do this._

"You'd like me to just get out," Pony continued.

_I can't do this!_

"Well, it's not that easy, is it, Soda?"

Their eyes turned on him but Soda barely noticed. He just stared at them both, feeling sick and horrified and upset and wounded. "Don't… Oh, you guys, why can't you…" He got up and bolted out the door.

He didn't care where he went. It didn't matter. He just needed to get out. They were driving him crazy and he was done. He just couldn't put up with it anymore! He shouldn't even have to! Did they really not see what they were doing to him? Hot tears threatened to spill down his cheeks but he held them back as he ran. He wasn't used to running this hard so it was difficult enough without crying added to the mess.

He realized he was in socks and no shoes when he hit the damp grass. The next thing he realized was that Pony was barreling towards him. He went to change directions but was knocked off his feet when his younger brother tackled him to the ground. He lay there for a few minutes, gasping, trying to find his breath. After a minute, he managed to sit up and glanced at his younger brother. "You should have gone out for football instead of track," he rasped.

"Where did you think you were going?" Pony asked, laying on his back and looking up at him. Darry sat down on the grass beside us.

Soda shrugged and then poured his heart out. "I don't know. It's just... I can't stand to hear y'all fight. Sometimes... I just have to get out or... it's like I'm the middleman in a tug o' war and I'm being split in half. You dig?"

He knew they were surprised but he didn't even look at them. He just started playing with some grass. "I mean, I can't take sides. It'd be a lot easier if I could, but I see both sides. Darry yells too much and tries too hard and takes everything too serious, and Ponyboy, you don't think enough, you don't realize all Darry's giving up just to give you a chance he missed out on. He could have stuck you in a home somewhere and worked his way through college. Ponyboy, I'm telling you the truth. I dropped out because I'm dumb. I really did try in school, but you saw my grades. Look, I'm happy working in a gas station with cars. You'd never be happy doing something like that. And Darry, you ought to try to understand him more, and quit bugging him about every little mistake he makes. He feels things differently than you do." Soda turned his eyes to his brothers, letting them se his vulnerability and how much pain he was in. He knew his big brown eyes were begging them to just stop. "Golly, you two, it's bad enough having to listen to it, but when you start trying to get me to take sides..." He felt the tears well up again but didn't bother to fight it this time. "We're all we've got left. We ought to be able to stick together against everything. If we don't have each other, we don't have anything. If you don't have anything, you end up like Dallas... and I don't mean dead, either. I mean like he was before. And that's worse than dead. Please"- he wiped his eyes on his arm- "don't fight anymore."

"Sure, little buddy," Darry said softly. "We're not going to fight anymore."

"Hey, Ponyboy." Soda threw Pony a tearful grin. "Don't you start crying too. One bawl baby in the family's enough."

"I'm not crying," Ponyboy said. He was. A little anyway. Soda punched him in the shoulder playfully.

He could almost hear his mother's voice whispering in his ear. _"You just need to take a deep breath."_ He sucked in his breath. That was when she'd chuckle._"Now let it go." _He did. _"Let it all go, even the bad day."_

He smiled at his brothers and nodded to himself. _I can do this._

* * *

**_Please review! Thanks for reading guys! You rock! 3 :)_**

**_(And again, happy birthday to Rob Lowe! :D)_**


End file.
